Mindfulness For Parents by Amber Hatch

Author:Amber Hatch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Mindfulness For Parents
ISBN: 9781780289601
Publisher: Watkins
Published: 2016-12-27T00:00:00+00:00

HELP THEM TO GOVERN THEIR OWN BEHAVIOUR

Another major aspect to guiding our children is to provide them with the tools they need to regulate themselves. Much of the work of self-discipline is through learning healthy habits and ways to behave in familiar circumstances. We can do much to help our children form these habits – turn-taking, being polite, respecting each other’s space and belongings, and so on.

However, real self-discipline is tested when our children face a situation that is new to them, or is so intense that it triggers an angry reaction (say) and learnt behaviours are forgotten. Ultimately, we want our children to remain calm, assess the situation by taking into account all the factors, and decide on the best course of action. This is not an easy task, and mindfulness plays a big part.

One way that you can do this is to encourage your children to work out their own solutions to problems. They will certainly need a lot of help with this. For example, if children are squabbling over a toy, rather than stepping in and declaring they get two minutes each, or confiscating the toy, we can help them resolve it together. This may be by encouraging each child to tell his or her side of the story and listening carefully. You may need to interpret the child’s version:

• ‘It sounds like you were feeling frustrated because Elsa was taking a long time.’

• ‘You felt you had a right to it because you were playing with it first.’

By naming their feelings, you are encouraging them to be mindful of their own internal state and each other’s. Once both the children have been heard, and have recognized what they are each feeling, you can encourage them to find a solution.

This kind of approach to discipline requires parents to keep in mind both the short- and long-term goals of parenting. In the short-term, we want to resolve a situation quickly and restore calm, and in the long-term we want to equip our children with the tools to acknowledge difficulties and the means to resolve them.

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